11-18-05
#1
Toxic relationships undermine every facet of
ones life
Diagnosing dysfunctional behavior immediately,
and subsequently eliminating it from your life will enable you to effortlessly control incoming toxic people and situations
that commonly yield problems.
Toxic relationships undermine every facet of ones life, and ridding yourself of this
cancer, whether you are the one creating it or being affected by it, is a huge step to becoming emotionally heathier.
By
coping, avoiding and detecting and fixing these problems
people become healthier and make moving forward in their
life more seamless.
Dysfunctional relationships dominate the headlines on a daily basis. It is a fact that when people
get caught up in many unhealthy relationships, their logic is skewed or biased, giving the relationship more chances than
it deserves. Therefore, tunnel vision occurs and behaviors that would normally be held accountable, are not, due to the time
that has been invested in the relationship, and/or the desire of a relationship to improve. Then good relationship advice
coupled with self help can and will make a difference.
Brian Maloney ~ http://valueprep.com/
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11-18-05
#2
How Much Dysfunction
Should You Allow Into Your Life?
What exactly is dysfunction? It is a word society, although probably overused, labels
most anything and everything. However, its true attribute can be characterized as a negative that is mostly hurtful and counterproductive.
A parent who consistently talks down to their children in the attempts of suppressing their self esteem would be a
perfect citing of dysfunction.
It is quite obvious that none of us can escape dysfunction. Television and media cater
to an extremely dysfunctional character trait that I believe is learned, not necessarily inherited. The you angle is portrayed
as subtle, but quite effective.
When the media designs a mass advertising campaign, they brainstorm the best way to
approach any perspective consumer in a targeted demographic. The you angle feeds a person' sense of 'what's in it for me and
how can I benefit'? This mindset, I feel, carries over into all phases of one's life creating an environment of constantly
coveting self fulfillment.
So with this said, how does one break this powerful mold the media injects daily onto you?
First, recognition of what is right and wrong is a good place to start because the all-encompassing media does not
care about the average person, they simply care about selling products, magazines, newspapers, and the like. This is much
like recognizing your opponents weaknesses by studying them before you engage them in whatever competition; a person must
understand this insurgent aspect of the media.
The media is just one example of dysfunction, but there are literally
hundreds of examples one could conjure up, and it would take an entire book to list and explain each one of them.
Initially,
if a person has the ability to recognize or detect dysfunction, then it would be logical that this person has the capability
to halt its progression into their lives. However, if a person is so accustomed to this way of life, it is seemingly second
nature.
In this instance, logical thinking must be implemented in order to understand that aspects of dysfunction
are infiltrating now, and have in the past. Well, you might think one person's trash could be considered anothers treasure,
so how would a certain aspect of
oness life be blanketed as dysfunctional?
Logic!
If a person enables dysfunctional
behavior, then the people they enable will eventually catch on to this and know that you will always permit it, so the cycle
continues.
Using your God-given logic will always assist you in diagnosing a scenario that is littered with dysfunction,
or one that has the potential to bring it into your life.
If you are a person who thinks more with their heart than
their head, this needs to change immediately! Many of the times we are hurt by thinking with our heart, and in turn the consequences
can be quite costly.
Taking control of how much negative comes into your life is the basis for this article. I want
the reader to understand that they do have power to not only make changes, however painful they might be, but dam up the flow
that a river of illogic and dysfunction causes.
By recognizing dysfunction, you limit its growth at its root and logically
understand its negative characteristics. This gives you more than enough ammunition to stave off its constant barrage. So
start to control the damage dysfunction brings today rather than settling for a more inferior quality of life.
--by
Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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11-18-05
#3
Toxic Relationships
By: Megan Olden
Summary: Are problematic relationships a new type of dysfunction? Some mental health professionals
have proposed that they be labeled a type of disorder.
In a move that could radically change the definition of mental
illness, mental health professionals have proposed that problematic relationships be labeled a type of disorder. The next
edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), the profession's official handbook, may include relational disorders:
dysfunction that arises due to interpersonal problems.
Michael First, M.D., an associate professor of clinical psychiatry
at Columbia University and editor of the most recent edition of the DSM, explains that in these disorders the interaction
itself is the illness. "It's traits that combine in a very negative way," he says. "Neither person is disordered per se."
This conceptual shift is problematic for some researchers, including Steven E. Hyman, M.D., former director of the
National Institute of Mental Health. "It's a huge philosophical step that I don't consider warranted," he says. Instead of
defining the relationship as dysfunctional, Hyman says such disorders could be explained as being present in individuals,
but only in specific contexts.
Hyman also worries that the new category could be problematic in instances of child
and spousal abuse.
"Defining a disorder in terms of a relationship instead of an individual puts a victim of abuse
on the same level as their abuser," argues Hyman.
Luckily, psychiatrists have some time to wrestle with this issue:
The next DSM is scheduled for publication around 2010.
Publication: Psychology Today Magazine
Publication Date:
Mar/Apr 2003
Last Reviewed: 8 Aug 2005
(Document ID: 2747)
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11-18-05
#4
Borderline Personality Disorder
* Definition
* Symptoms
* Causes
* Treatment
Definition
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal
relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the
individual's sense of identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer
from emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more
common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as
well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases. Patients often need extensive mental
health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. Yet, with help, many improve over time and are
eventually able to lead productive lives.
While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience
intense bouts of anger, depression and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes
of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent
changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves
as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea
who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result
in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy
attachments, their attitudes toward family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration
and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person,
but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other
person of not caring for them at all.
Most people can tolerate ambivalence where they experience two contradictory states at one time. People with BPD, however,
shift back and forth to a good or a bad state. If they are in a bad state, for example, they have no awareness of the good
state.
Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to
mild separations. Even a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans can spur negative thoughts. These fears of
abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically
absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with
anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs
with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other
personality disorders.
Although the cause of BPD is unknown, both environmental and genetic factors are thought to play a role in predisposing
patients to BPD symptoms and traits. Studies show that many, but not all individuals with BPD report a history of abuse, neglect,
or separation as young children. Forty to 71 percent of BPD patients report having been sexually abused, usually by a non-caregiver.
Researchers believe that BPD results from a combination of individual vulnerability to environmental stress, neglect or abuse
as young children, and a series of events that trigger the onset of the disorder as young adults. Adults with BPD are also
considerably more likely to be the victim of violence, including rape and other crimes. This may result from both harmful
environments as well as impulsivity and poor judgment in choosing partners and lifestyles.
Neuroscience is revealing brain mechanisms underlying the impulsivity, mood instability, aggression, anger, and negative
emotion seen in BPD. Studies suggest that people predisposed to impulsive aggression have impaired regulation of the neural
circuits that modulate emotion. The brain's amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure , is an important component of the circuit
that regulates negative emotion. In response to signals from other brain centers indicating a perceived threat, it marshals
fear and arousal. This might be more pronounced under the influence of drugs like alcohol or stress. Areas in the front of
the brain (pre-frontal area) act to dampen the activity of this circuit. Recent brain imaging studies show that individual
differences in the ability to activate regions of the prefrontal cerebral cortex thought to be involved in inhibitory activity
predict the ability to suppress negative emotion.
Serotonin, norepinephrine and acetylcholine are among the chemical messengers in these circuits that play a role in the
regulation of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and irritability. Drugs that enhance brain serotonin function may
improve emotional symptoms in BPD. Likewise, mood-stabilizing drugs that are known to enhance the activity of GABA, the brain's
major inhibitory neurotransmitter, may help people who experience BPD-like mood swings. Such brain-based vulnerabilities can
be managed with help from behavioral interventions and medications, much like people manage susceptibility to diabetes or
high blood pressure.
Treatments for BPD have improved. Group and individual psychotherapy are at least partially effective for many patients.
A new psychosocial treatment termed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has been developed specifically to treat BPD, and this
technique has looked promising in treatment studies. Pharmacological treatments are often prescribed based on specific target
symptoms shown by the individual patient. Antidepressant drugs and mood stabilizers may be helpful for depressed and, or,
labile mood. Antipsychotic drugs may also be used when there are distortions in thinking.
Source: National Institute of Mental Health
Last Reviewed: 14 Feb 2005
Last Reviewed By: Fiery Cushman
For more information,link has been provided on the LINKS page.
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11-20-05
Dysfunctional Relationship Dynamics - Healthy Relationship Patterns - Review of Robert Burney's Ebook
By A.J. Mahari
March 5, 2005
As human beings, (not just those diagnosed with BPD) wounded to varying degrees in our childhoods, growing up with only
the modeling of our parents to help us understand romantic relationships, we need to examine our understanding of love, romantic
love, the purpose of relationships and what is and isn't healthy behavior and relating. We also need to heal our wounds if
we truly want to find, have, and maintain healthy relationships.
Relationships of all kinds present varying degrees of challenges for those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
There are those with BPD who are not yet capable of (or may never be capable of) anything close to what would be considered
healthy relating.
However, it must be said, that when those diagnosed with and in the active throes of BPD enter into intimate relationships
with others they are not alone in those relationships and more often than not the blame for everything that has gone astray
cannot be totally placed with those with BPD.
The relationships between those with BPD and the 'non-borderlines' who enter into these challenging relationships both
bring aspects of their past (more often than not) to the mix that becomes an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
While there are more challenges involved in relationships with those with any personality disorder, or mental illness,
Burney's ebook will lend valuable insight to anyone.
In his Best of Suite Ebook, (An Anthology), - 'Dysfunctional Relationship Dynamics' & 'Healthy Relationship Behavior';
Robert Burney, writes:
'We were set up to feel like failures in romantic relationships because: on one hand we were taught that romance was magical
- from the fairy tales, books, movies, songs, etc.; while on the other hand our role models for how a relationship between
a man and woman works were our parents - who were wounded in their childhoods.
Romantic relationships are not the destination where we will live happily-ever-after. Romantic relationships are in fact,
the greatest arena for Spiritual and emotional growth available to us.'
Burney has a very clear style of writing that conveys his very insightful and wise information. He writes about the dynamics
of unhealthy relationships generally with a specific focus on co-dependence which is in itself the model of dysfunction that
most unhealthy relationships adhere to.
Burney examines the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships, which include, power struggles, a dysfunctional definition
of love, codependent and counter-dependent behavior, and a come here go away type of relating (which is seen particularly
in BPD).
Burney points out that often in relationships one person is codependent and the other is counterdependent . He states
that both part of the classic condition of codependence in his definition. Burney states that, 'They are just two different
extremes in the spectrum of behavioral defense systems that the ego adapts in early childhood.'
Of the 'Come Here Go Away' unhealthy relationship dynamic, Burney writes:
'What is normal and natural in romantic relationships in this society is for a person whose primary fear is abandonment
to get involved with someone whose primary fear is being smothered/losing self'
Burney gives great insight to the origins, purpose, and pitfalls of unhealthy relationship behavior. He then goes on to
outline healthy Relationship Behavior. He begins by outlining and defining Interdependence, Communication, Emotional Intimacy,
what it is like to be Partners In The Journey (of relationship), Sexuality. Burney then gives the reader insightful input
regarding the importance of challenging our prior notions about romantic love pointing out if we do not start out with a healthy
concept of romantic love we don;t have much of a chance of having a healthy relationship.
Burney outlines guidelines for the creation of healthy romantic relationships giving examples of what is healthy love
and what is toxic love. This ebook is an excellent and very educational ebook. A must read
'Dysfunctional Relationship Dynamics' & 'Healthy Relationship Behavior' By Robert Burney, is a very in-depth, impacting,
and educating ebook. I would highly recommend it. In a very insightful and understandable way Burney hits the nail right on
the head with the kind of information that can mean the difference between continuing to suffer the wounds of your past in
current relationships or learning what it takes to have healthy romantic relationships and how that is dependent upon your
healing the wounds of your past.
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11-20-05
I hate you. Please don't leave me.
by ccunning
Wed Sep 19 2001 at 1:46:32
You wanted to know the worst about me, the things I told no one and hid below the surface. How do I explain it? How do
I explain who I am when I am not even sure of it myself? How do I put into words the worst parts of me that I have run from
for so long? I will tell you my secrets, I will tell you everything. Maybe it will help me. Maybe you will hate me for it
or maybe you will understand. I don't know, but I am sick of running. So here it is, I will give you what you want.
I hate you. That is not true, but sometimes I think it is. I will not answer the phone when you call, even though I want
to talk to you. I will not call you, even though it is all I want to do. I will not reach out to you, even though every part
of me wants to. I will be mad at you, I will want to hurt you, I will drive you away because I am afraid to let you closer.
I need your constant attention, your reassurances, but I will greet them with cold indifference. I will be jealous of the
attention you give others, and I will get mad at you for ignoring me. I will feel close to you and care for you one day, only
to be mad and want you out of my life the next.
I am an emotional amnesiac, maybe I always have been. I take each event, each day, each conversation as a seperate event,
always looking for signs that you might hurt me. When I feel neglected, I will get mad and forget that the day before you
told me how much you cared. I am an inconsistent mess. There is a part of me who is happy and confident and another part that
is insecure and needy. These days, I never know which one it will be. Every time I think I am in control, that I know you
care and I feel comfortable with our relationship, the fear and doubt will come back. Maybe with time it will go away completely,
but doubt it. All it will take is another close relationship, another new friend, another day and it will be back.
You ask what you can do and I do not know what to say. The needy part of me wants your constant attention, it needs your
words and thoughts, your presence. But I know that is not the answer, I must accept the limitations on our relationship. The
scared part of me wants you out of my life because it would be easier. The hateful part of me wants to hurt you because it
thinks you have hurt me. All I can ask you to do is to understand, to not give up. I will ignore you at times, I may be rude
to you, I may try to hurt you. I may hide from you and wait for you to reach out to me, so I know you will care. It is not
fair to do these things, but I will. I cannot ask you to put up with this, it is not fair and no matter how I act, I care
too much to put you through this. But you asked, and this is all I have to tell you.
I do not like this. I do not like that I am needy and clinging. I do not like that I hurt people. I do not like that I
am rude and sarcastic to those around me. I do not like this part of myself. For years, I have ignored this and pretended
it was me, but I have realized that is wrong. This is not me, it is a false identity created to protect me from the world.
This was not an easy realization, and perhaps I haven't fully accepted it yet. But I have found my path, I have realized I
can change and I can accept this side of me and keep it from becoming who I am. It will not be easy and it will not be quick,
but I have faith that I can do it. Perhaps one day I will see me as the person you see behind my defenses, and perhaps one
day I will let others see that person as well.
This is for you, but you are many people. You are the people close to me now. You are the people I want to be close to
even though I have kept you away. You are the friends I have pushed away in the past, the friends I never forgave and never
let back in my life, the friends I never had the chance to tell this to. You are the people I will meet in the future , the
people I will care about until once again I push them out of my life. You are the part of me that is still trying to understand
who I am. You are all of these people and many more.
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11-18-05
#5
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
* Definition
* Symptoms
* Causes
* Treatment
Definition
The word personality describes deeply ingrained patterns of behavior and the manner in which individuals perceive, relate
to, and think about themselves and their world. Personality traits are conspicuous features of personality and are not necessarily
pathological, although certain styles of personality traits may cause interpersonal problems. Personality disorders are rigid,
inflexible, and maladaptive behavior patterns of sufficient severity to cause significant impairment in functioning or internal
distress. Personality disorders are enduring and persistent styles of behavior and thought, not atypical episodes.
Narcissistic personality disorder describes a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and hypersensitivity
to evaluation by others. Self-centeredness and being self-absorbed and being unable to empathize with others affecting the
person's interactions with others, characterizes this personality disorder. It is a form of depression, resulting in an increased
likelihood of hospitalization.
Patients with narcissistic personality disorder often have a need to be the center of attention and to control events.
They crave affection and admiration from others. They are perfectionists (about themselves). They may try to create dramatic
crises to obtain attention to return the focus to themselves. As with patients with antisocial personality disorder, entitlement
issues are very important. Patients with narcissistic personality disorder feel as if everyone and everything owes them -
without any contribution on their part.
Several alcohol and other drug (AOD)-induced states can mimic personality disorders. If a personality disorder coexists
with AOD use, only the personality disorder will remain during abstinence. AOD use may trigger or worsen personality disorders.
The course and severity of personality disorders can be worsened by the presence of other psychiatric problems such as mood,
anxiety, and psychotic disorders.
People with a personality disorder often use AODs for purposes that relate to the personality disorder: to diminish symptoms
of the disorder, to enhance low self-esteem, to decrease feelings of guilt, and to amplify feelings of diminished individuality.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are often polydrug users with a preference for stimulants. Alcohol has disinhibiting
effects, and may help to diminish symptoms of anxiety and depression. Socially awkward or withdrawn people with narcissistic
personality disorder may be heavy marijuana users. One group of people with narcissistic personality disorder uses steroids
to build up a sense of physical perfection. When not using AODs, people with narcissistic personality disorder may feel that
others are hypercritical of them or do not sufficiently appreciate their work, talents, and generosity. During a crisis, these
people may be severely depressed and upset.
* Reacts to criticism with feelings or rage, shame or humiliation
* Takes advantage of others to achieve own goals
* Self-important
* Exaggerates achievements and talents
* Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
* Unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
* Requires constant attention and admiration
* Exhibits jealousy of others
The exact cause is not known, though one theory suggests that the onset might develop in response to childhood experiences.
The disorder usually begins in early adulthood.
Diagnostic Evaluation
A psychological evaluation may be performed.
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy can help the person relate to others in a more positive and rewarding way may be helpful. The following
guidelines for therapists treating patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, especially with alcohol and other drug
(AOD) issues, may be useful for those who wish to understand treatment goals for ameliorating symptoms of this disorder.
Engagement
In trying to engage and assess patients, therapists should remember that patients with narcissistic personality disorder
will have certain traits that should be addressed therapeutically. Therapists should try to join with patients' hypersensitivity
and need for control by saying such things as "I'm impressed with what a bright and sensitive person you are. If we work
as a team, I think we can help you get out of this spot."
It is helpful for therapists to work with these personality traits in therapy. Working with narcissistic motivations for
recovery, such as an improved appearance or a desire to continue in a job or to make romantic and sexual conquests, may help
the patient to change inappropriate behaviors. Therapists may benefit from working with, rather than against, ego inflation.
Therapists who try to squelch the narcissistic ego may be met with rage. Therapists should position themselves as trying to
help the narcissistic patient reach his or her goals.
Therapists may work with patients to identify thinking errors that interfere with the patient's ability to work. These
errors may include beliefs such as "Everybody loves me." Therapists may need to work with patient's victim-stance
thinking. An example of such thinking is "Everybody is out to get me."
To manage narcissistic rage and depression, therapists may contract for patient safety as well as for the safety of others.
The therapist may offer the patient a combination of empathy and reality testing. For example, when patients say, "Everything
is messed up," or "Everybody is causing me trouble," therapists may empathize with patients, while also indicating
the reality of the situation and the need for behavior change.
Crisis Stabilization
Therapists may need to assess patients' defenses, and to put those defenses to therapeutic use. For example, when a patient
blames the police for "setting me up," the therapist can mention that the best way to avoid being set up again is
to not drink and drive.
Patients with narcissistic personality disorder have a central concern with being perfect. For these individuals, the
disease concept approach can assist in recovery by removing blame from the patient and conceptualizing the illness as a biochemical
disorder. This can help to lessen the feelings of failure that can be a barrier to treatment.
People with narcissistic personality disorder may become depressed when they feel deeply wounded, when their systems have
failed them, and when they sense that their world is falling apart. When wounded, they are at the highest risk for acting
out against themselves and others. When in a narcissistic rage, patients may become homicidal, feeling a need to seek revenge.
This rage comes from the intensity of the narcissist's wound. The counselor needs to work carefully with this rage and to
avoid getting into power struggles.
When these patients are in suicidal crises, patients should sign contracts for safety. Safety may include brief psychiatric
hospitalizations that are goal oriented and designed for stabilization.
When working with HIV-positive patients with narcissistic personality disorder, therapists may establish contracts with
them to engage in safer-sex practices. Often sexual prowess is part of the narcissistic ego-inflation. Their need to see themselves
as great lovers, coupled with self-centeredness, puts them at high risk for sexually transmitted diseases.
Longer-Term Care
Individual Counseling
There will be an ongoing need to manage the rage and depression of patients with narcissistic personality disorder and
their need for attention, control, and admiration. Continued attention to self-centeredness and the need to work the 12 steps
is essential. Step work, as used with people with antisocial personality disorder, can be helpful for patients with narcissistic
personality disorder. Similarly, the individual and group approaches to the treatment of patients with antisocial personality
disorder can be used for patients who have narcissistic personality disorder. Indeed, it may be helpful to view the patient
with narcissistic personality disorder as a hypersensitive patient with an antisocial personality disorder.
Group Therapy
People with narcissistic personality disorder may benefit from group therapy. In group therapy, therapists may need to
set time limits in a firm but pleasant manner, pointing out the need for all patients to have group time. At the start of
each session, therapists should make a contract with patients with narcissistic personality disorder to encourage prosocial
behaviors and to avoid attempts to dominate, control, or compete for attention with other group members. Some behaviors to
contract for might include:
* To limit the time that they can speak during group sessions
* To not interrupt others while they speak
* To respect other group members' time and feelings
* To give responses to other group members
* To receive responses and feedback from others.
It is important not to smash the narcissistic ego or to attack the narcissistic patient within the group. It is more useful
to comfort and confront the narcissist simultaneously: "I understand that the part of you that is sensitive is wounded
to hear that the group does not believe everything you are saying." Continue to work with the narcissist's defenses,
not against them.
Continuum of Care
For patients with narcissistic personality disorder, the least restrictive treatment environment is preferable. It permits
patients to feel that they are in control. These patients should be moved quickly from inpatient to outpatient levels of care.
If they do not like the treatment, they will stop participating. Thus, it is critical not to overpathologize the patient's
disorder with constant criticism. However, acute hospitalization for psychiatric emergencies (such as homicidal or suicidal
plans) may be necessary.
Narcissistic patients generally enjoy the attention they receive through involvement in outpatient treatment; retention
in the program is easily accomplished. Long-term outpatient involvement is critical to maintain narcissistic patients' prosocial
behavior and sobriety. Therapists who strive to build narcissistic patients' strengths and who pay close attention to them
in therapy will find them active participants in the recovery process. In addition to their personality disorder and AOD use
disorder, some patients may engage in compulsive sexual or spending behaviors that should be addressed therapeutically.
Tip for Narcissistic Patients
A helpful exercise for patients with narcissistic personality disorder is to ask them not to say anything during a specific
number of 12-step or self-help groups, but to simply listen. Once this has been done, narcissistic patients should discuss
their feelings with the therapist in response to the exercise.
Prognosis
The outcome is dependent on the severity of the disorder.
Last Reviewed By: Psychology Today Staff
For more information,a link has been been provided on the LINKS page.
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11-18-05
#6 The Diagnosis Dictionary
NOTE:
There are too many conditions to list individually as you can see by the list below. If something strikes a chord with you
, check it out. I was raised by a woman with a Border line personality..no picnic let me tell you.
Some of our confusions
in our relating and relationships are confounding because there are other elements present that we may not recognize as needing
'handling' in special ways...ways that we don't have to employ in our 'healthy' encounters with others, or we may not be aware
of these dysfunctions within ourselves.
A personal note ~ I was raised in a toxic environment. Fortunately, my gene pool hasn't been tainted with these elements due to
this not being a biological situation, however, the behaviours that were 'the norm' in the household during my formative years,
were behaviours & attitudes taught as 'rules' for approaching life and relating to other humans.
As a child, I
had no way of knowing that I was being subjected to flawed thinking and problem solving skills. My teen years were difficult
ones internally as I was in the process of defining 'myself' as well as trying to incorporate my home training that quite
frankly, was problematic for me. I didn't see things the same way as others did. I was a peaceful and loving child living
in the midst of circus of dramas and conflicts. My internal conflict was enormous. I had another mindset that didn't fit in
with my 'authority' figures way of doing things. It simply wasn't in my nature to be ever comfortable with this is 'how things
were'. Hence, I was labeled the overly sensitive one, the difficult one, the one who was 'different'- the rebel with an attitude.
(to mention just a few :) ).
After my education, I entered 'the real world' as a young adult and as I started branching
out into forming my own relationships (apart from those having stemmed from anything to do with the family), I was amazed,
simply amazed to see how other families conducted themselves ! Why, in fact, they even got along ! :) My God, some families
actually WERE like the Walton's !! In my family, if I were to 'get along' with the current person on the hot plate (and there
was always one, if not two), I was considered a betrayer.
Life has been good to me as far as providing 'just the right'
people from which I learn. At a difficult juncture 10 years into my marriage, I had the good fortune to be best friends with
an older woman, who was then my age now, who was stable, wise, intelligent and she loved me as a daughter. I can easily say
that her influence, her example is what finally bridged the gaps for me. My first really 'normal' person who saw things as
I did. She empowered me to be able to stand up against those who made things so difficult instead of always trying and trying
and trying to appease and over look things and finding ways to 'fix it'. Some things can't be fixed by another...most things
have to be fixed by the person themselves - the one who has the problematic behaviour.
Using her wisdom, I finally
found the strength to stand up to family issues, draw and state my boundaries, let people know how I was to be treated from
that point on - what I would no longer tolerate. The outcome? The relationship with my immediate family shattered and within
a year, I was no longer in contact with them. This was over 20 years ago. Nothing has changed in all of that time for them,
other than one parent being deceased - they continue to be unhappy, stab each other in the back, have superior attitudes and
the siblings & their children are waiting for the last parent to die so they can inherit the wealth. As a form of 'punishment'
I was told years ago that I was taken out of the will - like I cared, but I got the message.
Me? I'm just fine after
many years of difficult and hard work to rid myself of all the toxic elements I was subjected to. You can't be live with and
be raised in such an environment such as that with having created some unhealthy coping skills. Even so, I mourned losing
my family, it was LIKE a death, it was a death for me because I knew there was no going back. Even though they were such a
heartache for me,I loved them - they were my family, but I also felt a great sense of relief when I was finally freed of all
the emotional issues that were contained in that household. 2 parents, 2 siblings, gone, wiped out just as if dead. Hard?
You better believe it ! Did I survive it? You better believe it ! In fact, as painful as it all was and for the 5-6 years
it took to get over the worst of it, I now can't recall just when it was that I became indifferent. None of it even matters
anymore. That was then, THIS is my NOW.
During this period of working things out internally, I also had a marriage
situation that was most difficult. I sought professional help to learn how to handle things that I wasn't understanding. It
only took 4-5 visits, but it was during this time that I finally got the label for what ailed my mother...Border Line Personality
Disorder ! Of course, not the full blown disorder, just bad enough to screw a kid up for 25 years :) (of course, this is the
super, super short version of a 30 year experience )
So a calm life finally was mine....when along came my brother-in-law
with a life so screwed up it was painful to witness. For many years, my husband and I helped where,when we could until we
could no longer cope with this man - the con man. Like a cold, he kept coming back though. We would get calls at 2-3 AM to
come and get him...where are you we asked...he wasn't sure... Sure, this is a long story (aren't they all?! ) He eventually
was homeless. He lived with us for 2 years (remember I said I was the peaceful loving child?) and it was decided (by my husbands
family ) that I would be his 'warden' (lucky, lucky me) I would be the one able to straighten him out and get him back on
track because I was strong, had good values and didn't take any crap from him because I saw through him, I understood him.
To my surprise, I actually accomplished this. I'll spare you the highlights and just jump into the bottom line...
Of course,
Narcissistic Personality Disorder ...sigh - as well as being a recovered alcoholic with a bit of Manic Depressive tossed in
just to make this fun for me.
This was all diagnosed as a result of my having him commit himself if he wanted to continue
living with us.
So you see, I DO know about letting go. I DO know about situations complicated by disorders that make
relationships so very difficult. I've had several key people (not only family) in my life that I've had to say 'Good-bye'
because of behaviours exhibted by them that were harmful to me... facing facts......letting go....
Oh....but not my
marriage :)...it was really close for awhile, but there were more pros than cons...and besides,...I was, we were, too tired
from it all to seek a lawyer LOLOL. This Saturday we will be married 39 years !!
Am I now uncomfortable with those
who I sense have these dysfunctions? Yes. It's all a matter of degree. We all have 'degrees' of any of these dysfunctional
aspects which are within 'normal' range. It's those persons who exceed manageable degees that I tend to 'run' away from....been
there ~ done that ~ didn't like ~ don't want it ~ don't need it. I know I can't make corrective changes in them - it's they
who must recognize the flaws and then be accountable for changing or not. It is NOT my job to make these changes come about.
I am not their therapists nor do I desire to be.
I have a low level of tolerance when confronted with those who will
be in my life and have these dysfunctions. I know how difficult it is to live, be with and relate to such people. Of course,
I begin each new encounter with as fresh a slate as I can given my experience(s), but I'm prepared to bail out when things
become convoluted and messy. I let go - I say good-bye.... and consider myself lucky that I've escaped.
11-22-05 ~~since
having written the above, I am again made aware of one of my dysfunctions....that of being a 'fixer'. I always try to make
things better, to change levels of discomfort of mine and others to a more comfortable place to be, to make changes in my
life in order to accommodate others if that fix will make things better. There are many others ways in which I 'fix' things
and I see now that it's time for me to 'say good-bye' to that coping aspect....that if I don't have the cooperation of the
other person(s) involved, there is NO WAY it can be fixed. I'll just have to look at a situation and if it sizes up to be
'that's just the way it is', then I will have to walk away from it, 'let it go' and let the chips fall where they may. I would
have thought I learned this well enough by now, but I see that I haven't....and....so now I will work on it some more until
I get it right. pfffft :)
Ok...here's
the scoop on this disorder ~
The Diagnosis Dictionary is your definitive resource for psychological terms and info,
gathered by some of today's top professionals in the field.
*Diagnosis Dictionary ~ a link has been provided on the
LINKS page.
Acute Stress Disorder
Adjustment Disorder
Aging
Agoraphobia
Alcohol Abuse
Alzheimer's
Disease
Amphetamines
Anorexia Nervosa
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity
Disorder
Autism
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Bereavement
Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality
Disorder
Bulimia Nervosa
Caffeine
Cannibus/Marijuana
Child Abuse
Child Neglect
Cocaine
Communication
Disorders
Compulsive Gambling
Compulsive Overeating
Cyclothymia
Death and Dying
Delirium
Delusional
Disorder
Dependent Personality Disorder
Depression in Children and Adolescents
Depressive Disorders
Dissociative
Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder)
Dual Diagnoses
Dysthymia
Eating Disorders
Elder
or Dependent Adult Abuse
Elder or Dependent Adult Neglect
Empty Nest Syndrome
Encopresis
Enuresis
Exhibitionism
Feeding/Eating
Disorders
Fetishism
Gender Identity Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Hallucinogens
Histrionic
Personality Disorder
Hypersomnia
Insomnia
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
Kleptomania
Learning
Disability
Malingering
Mental Retardation
Mid-Life
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Nicotine
Nightmares
Obesity
Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder
Opioids
Orgasmic Disorder
Panic Disorder
Paranoid Personality Disorder
Paraphilias
Pedophilia
Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder
Postpartum Disorder
Schizoid Personality Disorder
Schizophrenia
Schizotypal Personality
Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Sedative-Hypnotics
Separation Anxiety
Sex and Love Addiction
Sexual
Arousal Disorder
Sexual Desire Disorder
Sexual Masochism
Sexual Pain Disorder
Sleep Apnea
Sleepwalking
Social
Phobia
Tourette's Syndrome
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